Shoulda, Woulda and Their Cousin Coulda

Now that the warm fuzzy feelings of Mother's Day are done for another year, I have something I've been shelving for a more appropriate day. Now seems good.

I used to compare myself to other women constantly. Since joining the online community and talking more with friends who are also moms now, reminded me that we are all human and capable of failure.  Do you know how many mom's I have met that seemed to have it all together?  Yet they are hiding a tidal wave of emotions underneath.  One phone call about their son's ongoing challenges at school, one bounced cheque, one incident of locking keys in the car, cracks their fragile veneer wide open.

I know that I am often my own worst enemy.  Have you read my post responding to Mission Beautiful created by Jody at Mommy Moment?  It's almost as though we need to punish ourselves to assuage the nagging guilt we feel.  Guilt: If we work outside of the home, we feel guilty that someone else has our child all day.  If we work at home, we feel guilty that our children might not get enough of the social interactions they might need. Worry: Are they eating enough? Are they eating enough of the right foods? Is their development on par with peers, and it goes on...  At least it does for me.

I know some problems that pop up in life and parenting may very well be serious.  Deal with them by educating yourself on possible options and get support.  Talk to people that have been through the same situation, then make an informed decision.  I am addressing the little things that pile into a mountain by the end of the week, or the problems I can't change.  Worry and guilt over these types of issues is a waste of valuable brain-power and energy that should be channeled elsewhere.

It isn't only a MOTHER issue, I think WOMEN in general can be unkind to themselves and may be their own toughest critics. I've been trying to work through some of the issues I have with body image, self-esteem, and punishing myself for the way I look (for not losing the pregnancy weight). How can I learn to love myself for who I am when I look in the mirror and realize I'm not very nice sometimes? Obsession with weight and appearance has become a smoke and mirrors effect to hide the fact that I have become a woman with a crusty attitude. 

I have resolved today to choose contentment in every circumstance instead of worry. And also try looking for the positive "silver" lining when things go wrong instead of guilt over what I could have done.  Yes, it is important to learn from mistakes, but there comes a point where wallowing around in the WHYS can keep you from moving into the WHAT NOWS. I am hoping that with enough practise shrugging off guilt will become more natural than beating myself over the head for silly things.

List of silly moments from the past week that seemed like a big deal at the time. (But had a happier ending after a little time to think and a little caffeine to calm me down).
  • Sweet girl falling and blowing the knees out of her brand new tights in the parking lot walking into church. Yes, I had a full blown tantrum in the lobby :(
  • Travel itinerary being changed by airline to a red-eye flight, I had another tantrum and gave myself a time out. After some thought-we will end up missing rush-hour traffic driving to airport now.
  • Drop-kicking my cell phone and shattering it...The pieces were reassembled, it works ok except it seems to be stuck permanently on VERY LOUD.
Do you have any silly moments you can add to the list? Did things end up working out ok?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know something, kiddo? Your writing is amazing and will most likely be picked up by a magazine or the Ellen show or something. Just you wait and see.....Cinny

Aisha LaBarrie said...

Great post! You are right on point. I met a sweet lady this weekend that after talking to me for about 10 minutes said "sweetie, you are being too hard on yourself" I didn't even realize I was revealing my stresses and frustrations. God sends you the right messages in random places. This post is another reminder of that. Thanks for writing this & thanks for stopping by my blog labarrielittles.blogspot.com.
I am a new follower for sure!!

ModernMom said...

Choosing contentment. What a great thing to strive tfor! This is a great post:) Thanks for sharing with us!